Dating in Germany 101: Tips for expats

Understand the German dating culture and find out which are the top dating apps and websites in Germany.

Ivandzhelin

6 minute read

Updated on 12 May 2023

Germany is one of the largest countries in Europe and finding love amongst its 83.4 million citizens shouldn’t be an issue. Yet, as a foreigner, putting yourself out there can be a scary task. So, to help you meet the love of your life, we came up with a complete guide on dating in Germany. We debunk stereotypes, highlight German dating norms and provide a list of the best apps and websites to try out!

Dating in Germany 101

Dating is hard enough, let alone dating someone from a different culture. What should you do on the first date? How long after should you text? Who should make the first move? Lucky for you, there’re no strict dating rules in Germany. Yet, there’re a few things to remember when looking for love in Germany.

The German approach to dating: slow and steady

Compared to countries like Italy and Spain, where dating is passionate, Germans have a rational approach to dating. They prefer to go on casual dates and use the dating phase to get to know you better. So, the first date or even the first few dates might not be as romantic as you hope.

Although casual dating is the norm, it’s implied that you won’t be playing the field. Unless you both agree in the beginning, dating other people is considered offensive and disrespectful in Germany.

The transition from casual dating to a relationship can take time as Germans don’t prefer to rush into relationships. Most relationships develop slowly and organically. So be patient, and take your time in the dating phase. It’ll only make you surer of your choice.

It’s common for Germans to date in their 20s and to have serious relationships in their 30s.

Progressive dating culture

Feminism and gender equality are extremely important in Germany. This translates into dating too. So, if you’re a woman who’s used to men paying for the date, prepare to split the bill 50/50 at the end of your meal.

Being progressive and liberal is also important, and it’s no surprise that Germany is LGBTQ+ friendly. You can be true to who you’re as same-sex marriage and adoption have been legal since 2017. The LGBTQ+ community is strong in cities like Berlin, Munich, Hamburg, Frankfurt and Cologne.

If you’re new to Berlin, do the things you like to do, and queer people will follow because there’re queer people everywhere here. – Dominick’s advice on finding queer people in Berlin.

To hear more about Dominick's experience with dating in Berlin you can check out our Valentine's Day podcast episode.

The German meet-cute

Your best bet to find your love is in group settings, through friends, at work or at university. According to a study, the most common way straight couples meet in Germany is through their friends. Whereas gay couples most often meet via dating apps.

Dominick, an expat in Berlin, has found that nightclubs are a great way to meet other queer people. But if you’re looking to create a connection with them, events like drag shows and queer performances are a better choice as they allow you to have a conversation and find things in common.

Joining an expat community is a wonderful way to meet or exchange ideas with other expats about dating in Germany.

When you meet someone interesting, you might have to be the one making the first move. It’s highly likely that Germans won’t approach you to ask for your number. But other expats will probably be more forthcoming.

German flirting 101

Germans might be famous for many things, but their flirting skills are not on that list. If you’re trying to flirt with them, chances are they won’t realise it since they tend to be reserved.

Something else that doesn’t translate is humour. Germans have a very dry sense of humour and might not get your joke, especially if it’s self-deprecating. If you use humour to flirt, it’ll be helpful to have some knowledge of German politics and current affairs because they’re often at the centre of German jokes.

Dating conversation: small talk v/s deep discussions

Germans are known to prefer deeper conversations over small talk. They would rather discuss serious topics like politics, philosophy and the environment.

Yet, in Sonya’s experience, who is an expat in Berlin, this is actually a misconception. What she has seen is that Germans enjoy talking about things like their weekend, their plans for the summer or their hobbies.

Our advice would be to go for the best of both worlds: break the ice by asking them about their weekend and impress them with your knowledge on a topic you’re passionate about.

To hear more about Sonya's experience with dating in Berlin you can check out our Valentine's Day podcast episode.

German dating etiquette

Have you managed to find someone you’re interested in dating? Congratulations! Now, you’re probably wondering what you should do on your first date.

Going out for dinner, grabbing a drink/coffee or going for a walk are all appropriate for the first date. Dressing nicely for the date is important but don’t overdress as the dressing culture is laid back.

When it’s time for your date, don’t be late! Germans love punctuality, so make sure you’re on time. Of course, if something unexpected comes up, let them know you won’t be there on time. Otherwise, it might look like you don’t respect their time.

During the date, your date may not be very forthcoming. But that’s probably because Germans don’t open up on the first date; they prefer to get to know you before they decide if your relationship’s romantic or platonic.

If they don’t think there’s a match, they’ll let you know. They might not always be as straightforward as you think, but they’re honest.

The German love-life balance

For Germans, having a life outside of one's relationship is very important. So don’t expect them to spend every free moment with you. While they would love to share a trip with you, they also expect you to be cool with them travelling with their friends.

If your German love starts prioritising you it’s a big sign that they’re serious about your relationship.

Meeting the German in-laws

While Germans are taught to be independent from a young age, their families are a very important part of their lives. If you’re seriously dating your German boo, expect to be spending a lot of time with the Schwiegereltern.

Learning German will help you overcome the language barrier between you and your partner’s parents.

Online Dating

Online dating is the perfect opportunity to try out the dating scene in Germany. Especially for expats, online dating is a wonderful way to put yourself out there. Both dating apps and dating websites are popular in Germany, and the choice of which one to use depends on what you’re looking for.

Dating Apps in Germany

Dating apps have grown in popularity across Germany and are especially popular in big cities. This should give you plenty of opportunities to match with someone. Here’re the 6 most popular apps in Germany for dating:

Tinder: the most downloaded dating app in Germany. Tinder is often used for casual dating, but many have met their significant others through it.
Lovoo: the German version of Tinder. It was founded in Dresden and has the highest ranking of all of the mentioned apps. On Lovoo, you can contact people you’re interested in before matching with them and browse profiles in incognito mode.
Hinge: allows you to get to know the person before talking to them. You can learn a bit more about their character because of the prompts you’ve to fill in as part of completing your profile.
Bumble: similar to Hinge, you answer a few prompts about yourself to let others learn more about your personality. What’s unique about Bumble is that only women can make the first move. With same-sex matches, either of you can send the first text.
Grindr: has the largest network for gay, bi and trans people. It’s mostly popular amongst men and known for hookups.
Zoe: the best-rated dating app for queer women. Profiles are verified and the app has high reviews on the App store.

Dating websites in Germany

Most dating websites are available only in German and require a subscription fee for their services. This is why they’re not popular amongst expats. But if you’ve brushed up your German skills and are looking for serious relationships with someone in their 30s, here’re 5 of the best German websites for dating.

ElitePartner: the website focuses exclusively on adults looking for long-term relationships. The website pays attention to the quality of the match and offers courses on dating and flirting. It’s only available in German. If you’re interested in the website, a 6-month subscription will cost you €69.90 monthly.
Parship: the most popular dating website and app in Germany. It comes with a basic version, but to make the most of the service you’ve to pay €74.90 per month for a 6-month subscription.
eDarling: the website matches couples based on science and doesn’t have a specific target audience. All profiles are verified manually. A 6-month membership costs €49.90 per month and you get access to the eDarling app for free.
Finya: the only dating website whose features you can use completely for free.
Lesarion: the largest lesbian dating website in Germany. Its interface is old-school, but it’s the only dating website in Germany which is available in English.